Sick Day

(WARNING-this will be a post tinged with a wee bit of grumpiness). Today is one of those days that I really kinda wish I could go to work. I want to go to the office, answer phones, go to the bathroom when I want, eat lunch in a quiet place, work on spreadsheets, wear grown up clothes, be asked important questions, have meetings with other adults, have people say "can you explain this new Medicaid amendment as I know you know a lot about it", did I already say go to the bathroom whenever I want and by MYSELF. Then at the end of the day, I want to come home to dinner on the table, a clean house, happy kids (who have been to the park, library, play dates, etc.), folded clothes, groceries in the pantry, bills done, etc. I am not minimizing how hard it must be to be the sole provider for a family of four, but I kinda want to come home to me once in a while.

When I did work, it was hard too, so I remember that the grass is always greener. Working part time was a really good fit for me. Now though with two kids, I would pay as much in daycare as I would make. I miss helping people tremendously, but unfortunately social work does not pay much. But, I think one of the most challenging parts of being a mom-a stay at home mom in my case, is finding balance. I do not want to lose myself in the shuffle. I struggle with the "mess of it all." The literal and mental mess. How can I spend every free minute cleaning up and then 12 hours later it is a disaster again!?!? Walking upstairs just now I stepped over 3 hot wheels cars, a Cheerio, and Lillian's toothbrush (she likes to hurl it down the stairs through the baby gate). I have to get a babysitter just to go to the dentist. We have no family here to say, "hey drop the kids off for a bit." I am very rarely alone. We made the decision for me to stay home, and it is a decision I would still make today. I love how close I am with Harrison and Lillian. I am always here when our kids get sick, or there are snow days, or we have company coming, or when Joe travels for work. Speaking of, he is traveling to Indiana next week and then turning it into a fun weekend with his cousins watching the basketball tournament. I will (gladly) hold down the fort for 4 days. But noone thinks anything of that. When I went to Dallas a few weeks ago, I must have heard 8 times "who is watching your kids." When I said Joe or my husband people seemed so shocked, "oh wow, that is great. " Why is that????

I have a cold and when you stay home there are no sick days.
I woke up feeling awful. All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep. Instead I have 9 loads of laundry staring at me, a dog that needs to be walked, breakfast stuff everywhere, beds that are unmade, and a baby that is in the "I only like my mom and I want her to hold me 24/7 phase." AAAAAGGGGGHHHH. Maybe I should open a business called "sick days for moms." Hmmm.