One last hoorah

To say Lillian is not liking pre-school would be an understatement. I get a call everyday saying, "I think she has had enough for today can you come get her?" My happy girl is just breaking my heart. She says, "momma, momma, momma" over and over through her crocodile tears. Oh well, it will get better.
I have had to leave Bible study early the last two times to get her. I try to be patient, as I instantly think; I really need a mommy break for three hours! Being a mom is hard. I feel like I have had days lately that I feel like I am either doing something wrong or everyone lied to me. How can moments be so trying?!? Then, I feel guilty for not appreciating what beautiful blessings they are and savoring the moment. But, the reality is, it is ok to admit that there are hard moments. It is ok to wonder why husbands get off the hook so easily. Even the good ones. I struggle with accepting that I manage so many more minor details than Joe. It is ok to want to scream when your child yells, "I am done pooping come wipe me!" It is ok to hide in your closet just to have a moment of silence.
In my new Bible study there are 11 women of all different ages, sizes, and socio-economic backgrounds. There are a few women my moms age and a lot of grandmothers. There is a woman who was recently widdowed after 39 years of marriage, there is a retired pediatrician with a severe disability, there is a woman who lost her son, there are women who never had children, and there are a few moms like me with young children. When I worked I absolutely loved the group of women in my office. I miss them terribly. As I looked around the room this morning, I thought "I love this." I love learning from women, I love hearing their life stories, I love their wisdom, I love their kindness. I went to a women's college, and my mom is a major womens liber, and maybe that has something to do with it, but at this point in my life it gives me such encouragement. I needed this. It feeds my soul. I left today feeling rejuvenated and happier just from doing something for myself.
When I got home, we filled up the pool and played outside. One last hoorah outside just beacuse we could. My kids were naked and having a ball. I watched them and appreciated them and just reflected on how boring my life would be without them.
Gotta go, Lillian is up and screaming after only an hour of napping. I may need to re-read this post in an hour when I am back to feeling overwhelmed.
Disclaimer: I wrote this in about 47 seconds. I typed fast and furiously while folding laundry, inhaling popcorn, and balancing my checkbook. There will be grammatical errors (mom). So take it for what it is worth!